Ask Richard III

I am determined to prove a villain

1 note

Anonymous asked: Edward was REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY fat!

image

I hath heard so from many citizens in recent days. Methought my brother wast better loved than this. But I must admit, I too noticed the same. Edward kept an evil diet o’er long. Besides, it flatters me all the more to hear such things, for I must be all the more proper by the saying.

Filed under anons recurring questions lots of flack for edward iv richard loves hearing his relatives insulted especially his brothers take any comment and turn it into a compliment forever fabulous edward iv needed some weight watchers medieval zumba now all I can think of is richard III trying to beat his brothers at the gym failing miserably withered arms don't lift weights is out of breath after five minutes ends up just eating strawberries outside pretending like he's had a really long workout trying to pick up the ladies the castle is that way oh you weren't heading to the castle uh well its still that way yay awkward teenage richard

5 notes

the-rickmeiseter-general asked: Sire who is the sexiest king that ever ruled England?

image

I’ll giveth thee a hint: it starts with ‘R’ and ends with ‘ichard III’.

Filed under therickmeisetergeneral modesty did we expect anything different sexy hair flip everybody loves richard especially richard its the hair isn't it everybody is jealous of the hair maybe he's born with it maybe its maybelline frantically makes new business cards richard III sexiest king of england even kings need business cards he would give them out to people everywhere but richard I'm your wife yes but did you know I'm the sexiest king of england well you do now taxmoney well spent

21 notes

godpunishmewithhate asked: *kisses*you have caught the kisses disease now you have to send it to the next 10people on your dash

godpunishmewithhate:

askrichardiii:

godpunishmewithhate:

askrichardiii:

image

…Thou hadst better have a good explanation for this, Buckingham.

I thank thee, most gracious sovereign - e’en so, I fear my words would be nothing compared to thy own, as thou hast just proved in thine analogy.

As for Lord Stanley, as yet he has not revealed deep designs of any sort, although he has expressed great interest in my words - although the reason for this interest, my gracious sovereign, will not please thee in the hearing. In order to try and discern just where his loyalties lie…in order that he was to believe my pretence of rebellion…I didst tell him that I desire thy crown.

image

Didst thou indeed? A strangely instinctive response, dost thou not think, Buckingham?

Your majesty, thou knowst as well as I that this was all said in pretence…I feared simple discontent with your reign was not sufficient a reason for Stanley to trust in it, to believe I truly was against thee and so show his true colours. Thou knowst I love thee well, and would never truly wish to do as I have professed.

Thou art most patient with me, noble cousin, for my temper is much provoked these unquiet days.

Thou must pardon me for my shortness withal, but I canst no longer endure Lord Stanley’s brazen cheek. Intensify thy search for treason in him, for my desire for the sight of him behind the Tower’s bars grow’th quicker than ivy overtaketh a wall.

Filed under godpunishmewithhate angry testy richard you were lucky this time bucky buckingham needs a constant scapegoat

25 notes

askrichardiii asked: *kisses*you have caught the kisses disease now you have to send it to the next 10people on your dash

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

"Well isn’t this quite the role-reversal? I believe I should be kissing your hand, sire, not the other way round."

stanleyofbothsides:

Grey doth not become me, Stanley, nor any good man in England. A man who shows his colours at the first is a man well trusted, is he not, Stanley?

Quite right, sire. Methinks grey is beyond redemption, even from someone as handsome as yourself.

Oh indeed, but those who show their colours last can be trusted also. It can be beneficial to hide one’s colours - so long as they are the correct ones - until the pivotal moment.

A rather mysterious position to take, Stanley, I’m not sure I quite follow. It didst sound to me that thou wert condoning, marry, even practicing the art of deception. Is that what thou meant?

At the risk of sounding proud, your Grace, I did practice it in times gone by and it served me well. I might go as far as to say that many victories for noble York have been won through deception alongside bravery.

Of course I have learnt that the House of York cannot be deceived, so perhaps the art is best reserved for misleading Lancasters.

That wouldst be very bold of thee to say so, Stanley. If York hath been sullied with deception, wouldst it not retain its noble reputation? 

Perhaps…but wert thou not once “mislead” into the ranks of Lancasters, good Stanley?

Thankfully, its reputation is not determined by the few keen enough to spot the deception.

Not mislead, per se - I was born into their ranks sire. My father was one of them. Surely you must understand how difficult it can be to distance oneself from… the circumstances of one’s birth, shall we say?

And what dost thou meanst by that, Stanley? I am of the very highest stock, my blood purer than any Englishman’s alive! I am great York’s heir and no other hath the virtues I possesseth. Perhaps some born of Lancastrian blood may struggle with impurities but to assume all men art alike is hypocrisy! How dares’t thou speak a word to infer otherwise!

Filed under stanleyofbothsides interesting indeed we've found a touchy spot

4 notes

askrichardiii asked: My lady, may a poor admirer walk thee to thy carriage?

isnottogive:

image

"Why milord, he may not." 

Then I shall walk myself.

My lady, thou hath made thy displeasure at me well known. Thou hast good reason for it. But, if thou wouldst permit me, I wouldst apologize for my offenses against thee, and, for once in my poor sinner’s life, speak truth.

Filed under isnottogive sassy lady anne is sassy like you thought you could get away that easily putting the moves on widows

6 notes

Anonymous asked: What are Richard's thoughts/feelings regarding sexual attraction and desire? Any complexes we should know about?

image

((OOC: Richard probably despises seeing any and all displays of affection, especially when his brothers/relatives are on the receiving end. Because he hasn’t been exposed to a lot of affection he takes it as a personal insult to see anyone else getting all cutesy, even if the witness is accidental.

That being said, Richard likes to consider himself extremely romantic. On the off chance that he lets himself grow attached to anyone, he goes a bit overboard in expressing his feelings. He’s very clingy, and probably couldn’t stand to see Lady Anne speak to anyone but him for weeks after they were married. He feels the need to contain the few things he cares about, and would be very very angry if anyone was to sully what he considers his achievements. Think of it like his crown - he guards both with threats of death. 

Complex-wise, it’s no shocker that he’s intimidated by women. A handful of awful experiences with women provided a self worth as misshapen as his outward appearance. It’s a reason why he is so adamant about the idea that he “cannot prove a lover”, although he obviously can when necessary. At the point of the “winter of our discontent” speech, he’s entertained a few mistresses, and hasn’t really seen the point in occupying his time with more. Like his brothers never understood his fascination with Machiavelli, he never understood theirs with women. Villainy is Richard’s new mistress, and he enjoys a wrongful act better than the company of someone like Mistress Shore.

However, he does have a slight weakness to romance. He is especially fond of rhetoric, some flowers, and other aesthetically beautiful romantic items. He’s been caught reading (and even writing) poetry late at night, and on Valentines Day has been known to order minstrels to his house to play sappy love songs. If anything, he can be considered an admirer of beauty, which he demands in many forms outside of romantic attraction.))

Filed under anons headcanon romance getting all mushy I love that kiss in the gif although it comes at the worst possible time but still perfect kiss because their faces fit together ok I'm allowed to ship my richanne even if its creepy shakespeare richanne richard III and love yet another example of why the duchess of york should have hugged him more I don't know about you but I totally see him as a hopeless romantic hopeless romantic with murderous tendencies what a catch drawing hearts with the blood of his enemies

21 notes

godpunishmewithhate asked: *kisses*you have caught the kisses disease now you have to send it to the next 10people on your dash

godpunishmewithhate:

askrichardiii:

image

…Thou hadst better have a good explanation for this, Buckingham.

I thank thee, most gracious sovereign - e’en so, I fear my words would be nothing compared to thy own, as thou hast just proved in thine analogy.

As for Lord Stanley, as yet he has not revealed deep designs of any sort, although he has expressed great interest in my words - although the reason for this interest, my gracious sovereign, will not please thee in the hearing. In order to try and discern just where his loyalties lie…in order that he was to believe my pretence of rebellion…I didst tell him that I desire thy crown.

Didst thou indeed? A strangely instinctive response, dost thou not think, Buckingham?

Filed under godpunishmewithhate wow way to go buckingham totally screwed that is literally THE LAST thing you want to say to richard III also I learned how to cut posts hurray!

25 notes

askrichardiii asked: *kisses*you have caught the kisses disease now you have to send it to the next 10people on your dash

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

"Well isn’t this quite the role-reversal? I believe I should be kissing your hand, sire, not the other way round."

Clouds of uncertainty toucheth him who is highest first. But ‘tis better to keep aware of the times, no matter how stable. Many an enemy may paint their face in friendly shades.

Aye, and if your Grace has not yet risen above these clouds, you surely will soon. Unless, that is, you would rather conceal yourself within their shades of grey and strike your false friends through the fog.

Grey doth not become me, Stanley, nor any good man in England. A man who shows his colours at the first is a man well trusted, is he not, Stanley?

Quite right, sire. Methinks grey is beyond redemption, even from someone as handsome as yourself.

Oh indeed, but those who show their colours last can be trusted also. It can be beneficial to hide one’s colours - so long as they are the correct ones - until the pivotal moment.

A rather mysterious position to take, Stanley, I’m not sure I quite follow. It didst sound to me that thou wert condoning, marry, even practicing the art of deception. Is that what thou meant?

At the risk of sounding proud, your Grace, I did practice it in times gone by and it served me well. I might go as far as to say that many victories for noble York have been won through deception alongside bravery.

Of course I have learnt that the House of York cannot be deceived, so perhaps the art is best reserved for misleading Lancasters.

That wouldst be very bold of thee to say so, Stanley. If York hath been sullied with deception, wouldst it not retain its noble reputation? 

Perhaps…but wert thou not once “mislead” into the ranks of Lancasters, good Stanley?

Filed under stanleyofbothsides no richard will pretty much make sure you don't win this one nice try at flattery though

14 notes

"The winter of our discontent never bothered me anyway."

Filed under frozen do you want to build a snowman you knew I was going to make one of these eventually uncle richard can never let it go buckingham we finish each other... sandwiches inwardly plotting your doom oh lady anne if only there's was someone who loved you the second gif is all I knew I shouldn't have taken you to see that damn movie the best part is it's actually winter during the movie at this point did I really need these songs stuck in my head again no the answer is always no

25 notes

askrichardiii asked: *kisses*you have caught the kisses disease now you have to send it to the next 10people on your dash

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

askrichardiii:

stanleyofbothsides:

"Well isn’t this quite the role-reversal? I believe I should be kissing your hand, sire, not the other way round."

And wherefore I should I not? There hast already been one rival for the throne, and I need not the threat of another.

I agree whole-heartedly, your Grace, but many lies have circulated the court recently. It is perhaps too early to point the finger of treason.

Perhaps, Stanley, but early suspicion oft leads to early evidence.

What hast thou heard of the rebellious plots - know’st thou any in great displeasure at court?

Even so, to appear aggravated by something so seemingly inconsequential could cause your subjects to doubt your strength, which would create more problems than it solves.

I am under the impression that Buckingham knows more about such things than I. Perhaps you would be better to consult him.

Buckingham is a man of trivial matters - he as good a consult as a looking-glass. Indeed, the man spends more time on his fashions than the ladies at court, they say.

I have tried to speak to him upon the subject, to no good end. The lofty Buckingham says he hast no mind to the matter. Indeed, methinks rather he hast no matter of mind, from his idle conversation. 

But what knowledge hast thou gleaned from him, Lord Stanley, to make such an impression upon thee? Thou art not one to dismiss thy own good council.

I would say he does have mind to the matter, and that in itself confirms the latter. Anyone contemplating bearing arms against you – after your heroic victory in battle, I mean – must be as foolish and idle as Buckingham seems.

I have gleaned no knowledge, per se -the man is shrewd – but I have sensed more than mere stirrings of discontent.  All I can ask is that you be on your guard, your Grace.

Good Stanley, thy tongue is both flattering and truthful, and thy council well-steeled. I shalt heed thy words, and look to thee to keep my guard all the stronger with thy news. In uncertain times, a king must be sure of his friends, must he not? 

Your tongue is flattering also, your Grace. I thank you for your words of kindness.

Surely if a king were sure of his friends, they would not be uncertain times?

Clouds of uncertainty toucheth him who is highest first. But ‘tis better to keep aware of the times, no matter how stable. Many an enemy may paint their face in friendly shades.

Aye, and if your Grace has not yet risen above these clouds, you surely will soon. Unless, that is, you would rather conceal yourself within their shades of grey and strike your false friends through the fog.

Grey doth not become me, Stanley, nor any good man in England. A man who shows his colours at the first is a man well trusted, is he not, Stanley?

Quite right, sire. Methinks grey is beyond redemption, even from someone as handsome as yourself.

Oh indeed, but those who show their colours last can be trusted also. It can be beneficial to hide one’s colours - so long as they are the correct ones - until the pivotal moment.

A rather mysterious position to take, Stanley, I’m not sure I quite follow. It didst sound to me that thou wert condoning, marry, even practicing the art of deception. Is that what thou meant?

Filed under stanleyofbothsides lies everywhere richard knows exactly what your up to stanley I don't think you want to say yes to this omg I can totally see stanley wearing a grey shirt right now trolling stanley all day every day